"Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 (Good News Bible)
Matthew 11:28-30 (Good News Bible)
Why am I so tired and the yoke so heavy? I'm 57 and have loved God and Jesus for almost 50 years. I feel as if Matthew 11:28-30 was written for everyone but me. I can't carry the load anymore. The load started when I was only 2 1/2. The first load ended when I was almost 17. I prayed, begged and pleaded with God to save me from abuse. Not one person came to rescue me and God never stopped the pain and fear, and yet, after accepting my savior in 7th grade,I never turned from him. The loads were never light and after 5o years the load, for the 6th time in my life brought me to trying to take my life as I thought I was just not worth being given a purpose or plan by God. I love him with all my heart so much but have determined I'm not worthy to serve. I have patiently waited for him to heal me b/c I desperately want to help others come to Christ. And serve all people in need. I talk to god every day except when I can sleep. I sustained brain truma in 1961. Frontal lobe damage changes a person so much. 6 suicide attempts, a stroke in 1999, and it continues to rob my brain of my memories, dx of epilepsy, also in 1999, mini strokes and the worst dx of all...Bi-polar disordered. In and out of therapy since I was 15. What am I doing wrong? Does God just not need me b/c my brain problems would only hurt the lives I want to help and serve? I'm so tired. I just want to go to sleep now and wake up in the arms of Jesus
ReplyDeletePlease forgive me, Lord. I never meant to hurt you or anyone else
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